Two Red Lines

Woe is e

We were sitting at the dinner table and Violet looked at me and said, "You look old."  I felt old, out of touch with new gadgetry yesterday, though I don't think, upon careful probing in the mirror and verification from Andrew that I 'looked' particularly old last night.  I get that Andrew's response might have been more tactful than Violet, but I also know from past experience that Andrew tries to balance tact w/ truth even if sometimes it (or I) bite(s) him in the butt.  Gadgetry, yes.  I was at my internship in a supervisor's office talking kids.  When the topic of pictures came up I thought for a second, but not long enough, and pulled my dirty, old wallet out of my bag and flashed a black and white picture of Violet that is at least a year old.  Then, several Iphones appeared gracefully out of pockets with perfect pixel pictures from last week of so and so's kids.  It was at that precise moment that I felt old, and poor.  Me with my outdated photo through a plastic window, them with crystal clear images on petite gadgets.  I made a joke about it, they reassured me "old fashioned" is cute. 

After Violet told me I looked old she proceeded to eat dinner, tight lipped about exactly what she meant.  I am not going to keep all her baby dolls hidden for long, just until I get a retraction.

fig

I feel like I just woke up today.  And realized I don't know where anything is in the house.  I have very little school work these days besides thinking, scheming about real life counseling.  So at home most evenings most recently I don't know what to do with myself.  Then I go to look for something that I haven't thought about in a long time.....and can't find it anywhere.  Because I haven't looked for it in a long time.  I also feel restless.  Like I have stuff to do but don't quite know what it is.  Probably because I do.  

Andrew hasn't made a pie in like a week.  He was on a most momentous pie/tart making kick.  One yummy crusty thing wouldn't even be gone from the house when he would produce another.  I said no more.  Be gone with these taunts.  

Violet started pre k this week.  This morning when she woke up she went right into her room and started getting dressed.  Usually she walks zombie like into the kitchen and sits down to eat cereal either moaning about not wanting to go to school or about how mean we are for waking her up.  So this morning when she just meandered into her room and got dressed I was confused.  Turns out it was the first day of her tap dance class and she was the student of the week.  Each week a student gets to bring a bucket full of stuff about them and answer questions like....what is your favorite food (rice and beans) and what is your favorite color (pink purple gold and silver).  So it's no wonder that Violet got up in a flash for who can resist tap and all about me.  

Vi's birthday is right around the corner.  We, meaning Andrew and I, have had too many conversations about blurry details.  I am not sure why birthday planning should be so confusing and stressful.  I guess if we had a big house with lots of room for potentially lots of little people to run around then I don't think I would bat an eye.  But I might still.  

I just noticed that it's not the time that I thought it was. The long hand is stuck between the nine and the ten just bouncing back in forth not going forward and not going backward.  I feel like the long hand.  

 

First monkey bar blister

Untitled from effie alexander on Vimeo.